Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
