the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
