that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Pants are for mortals
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
