Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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