Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
