Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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