He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
