im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
