She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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