I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
