I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
