I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
