Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The uberlube is also flammable
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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