I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
