So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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