dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
