Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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