I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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