She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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