Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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