he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
