I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
