Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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