I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
