Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
