im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
