ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
