are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
