I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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