Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
