I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
