I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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