I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
