she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
