Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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