I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize