I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
