After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just google imaged poop.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
