the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
