Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
