Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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