She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
