your parents love me but you hate me
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
