all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
