he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My butt remains clenched, sir.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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