omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
