Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
