I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wanna passion pit in your ass
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
