Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
