Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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