Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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