Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
