You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
