Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize