you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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