Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
