My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
