Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize