I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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