I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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