half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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