Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
