Little spoons don't ask big questions
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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