My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
