Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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