he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
