I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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