how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
