My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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