Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
