Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
