i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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