You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
