I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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