Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize