I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
