Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
