new low.... made out with someone while peeing
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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