It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
