You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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