be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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