Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
