I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
