At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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