Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize