and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
