i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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