A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
