So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
