You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
