I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
