she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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