I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
