We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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