I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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