k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
