I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize