Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
