I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
