the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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