If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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