I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
