I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
