he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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