That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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