We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
